


All Hands on Deck (Batfam/Young Justice Crossover)

by PepperSoniRoni



Series: Batfam Meets Young Justice (unconnected works) [4]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Banter, Batbrothers (DCU), Batfamily (DCU), Batfamily Dynamics (DCU), Batfamily is a Mess (DCU), Batfamily-centric (DCU), Bruce Wayne is So Done, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Chaos, Chaotic Good, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Flirting, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Jason's so what do you expect, Meet the Batfamily (DCU), Meet the Family, Multi, Museum Heist if you squint, Rated T for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27678563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepperSoniRoni/pseuds/PepperSoniRoni
Summary: It's all hands on deck when a new species of alien threatens earth, and The Team combine forces with the Justice league. But it's not enough. Everyone is ordered to call in any favors they have, any solo heroes they know.Batman is suspiciously quiet.AKA: the bats keep showing up in an ever-flowing stream, and the Team begins to think Batman has an adoption problem.
Relationships: Artemis Crock/Dick Grayson/Wally West, Batfamily Members & Other(s), Bruce Wayne & Everyone, Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Duke Thomas & Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Jean-Paul Valley & Luke Fox, Jonathan Samuel Kent & Damian Wayne, Justice League & The Team (Young Justice), Kate Kane & Selina Kyle, Pamela Isley & Damian Wayne, Pamela Isley & Selina Kyle & Harleen Quinzel, Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel, Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain & Harper Row, Stephanie Brown/Waffles
Series: Batfam Meets Young Justice (unconnected works) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1922461
Comments: 93
Kudos: 846





	All Hands on Deck (Batfam/Young Justice Crossover)

**Author's Note:**

> You are warned! Here be suprises, crazyness, shenanigans, humor, crack, and chaos (Stephanie)! Boy guys, this fic is a whopper! By far the longest oneshot I've ever written! BTW, my beta was rushed a bit, cause I wanted to get it out tonight, so I'll be putting the in-depth notes in at a later date. For now, enjoy the mayhem.
> 
> I'm not sorry.
> 
> (Shouout to @aerisomune for looking over this, & @tsukiakari1203 for the Bette Kane knowledge. Both are on Tumblr. Also to those on my discord server, for tolerating my random questions about who fights who over names, and which people would flirt to annoy Bruce)

"Bad News, they’ll be here in six hours,” Wonder Woman said, looking over the combined forces of the Justice League and Young Justice, “this species of alien is known as the Klognines, and are extremely vicious. All peace talks have failed so far, and they are headed straight for earth.”

“Good news,” Superman piped up, “They’re force is relatively small. No need to bring in earthen governments.”

“Bad news,” Wonderwoman said, “we don’t have enough people to deal with it.”

“Good news,” Superman said, stepping in front of Wonder Woman, “we have enough time to gather auxiliary forces. So call in every favor you have. Every hero you know of. We’re going to save the earth!”

There was a long moment of quiet as people muttered to each other about who they could call. No one saw Wonder Woman and Superman stare down Batman, who glared and strolled out of the room.

“Oh,” Robin whispered to Nightwing, “this'll be fun.”

*****

A few hours later, plans were in motion. Batman had coordinated several transmissions to other heroes not affiliated with any teams, but hope was dwindling. There weren’t many people who knew others, and those who did know others weren’t even sure they would come.

“This isn’t going to work,” Connor said over the mindlink to M’gann. “We don’t have enough people.”

M’gann pursed her lips. “More people are coming, Batman said so. And we’ve got a bunch more than usual. Will somehow got Cheshire to make it, so there’s at least some hope, right?”

Connor frowned. “One miracule doesn’t equal many.”

M’gann laughed and touched his arm. “We’ll see.”

As if on cue, the zeta beams began to whir, and the computer’s voice sounded over the muffled discussions.

“Recognised, Arsenal: B-25. Unrecogised, D-01. Override: Batman 02. Unrecogised, D-02. Override: Batman 02.”

Everyone perked up at the sound of Roy’s designation, as well as two more new allies. Interest was strengthened at the sight of them.

Arsenal stood to the left of the trio, looking for all the world as if this were business as usual.

In the center was a man in gray cargo pants. He had two thigh holsters which held handguns. A leather jacket over gray armor which had a red … bat on it? The strangest thing about him though, was the red helmet he wore. It covered his entire head, and had no facial features whatsoever beyond two cold white eyes.

On the other side was a woman just as, if not more, strange. She wore a purple and silver costume that looked like a heavily armored sleeveless leotard with a high neckline. It held a green gem at the top of her chest. Her gloves were of the same color pallet, as well as her boots. Both were long, the former coming up to her sizable biceps, and the latter being thigh-high. Her hair was long, and mostly red. But it faded to orange and then to yellow near the bottom. She wore no mask, so her unnaturally bright and solid green eyes were prominent. Her skin was also a light shade of orange.

Arsenal stepped down first, quickly followed by the woman. The latter hovering a few inches off the ground. The other man paused for a moment, letting out an audible sigh and crossing his arms.

“ROY!” Dick called rushing in. “KORY! You guys came!”He stopped right in front of the pair, giving each one a hug. It was quite surprising for most of the newer - and some of the more experienced members. Nightwing was usually more reserved.

The second man walked down as Nightwing finished giving the woman a hug. He froze, however, when his companions stepped aside, and Nightwing turned his attention to him.

“Hey Little Wing,” he said, opening his arms wide. “Come give me a hug, I haven’t seen you in months!”

The man - Little Wing? That couldn’t be his hero moniker, could it? - immediately drew both of his hand guns, and pointed them directly at Nightwing’s chest. Nightwing froze.

Everyone present drew weapons and pointed them at the red helmeted stranger, intent on protecting Nightwing.

Roy sighed dramatically. “Just give him a hug, Jay. You know he won’t leave you alone till you do.”

“Yeah,” Nightwing said grinning, “Give your favorite brother a hug!”

There was a stir in the crowd. This guy was Dick’s brother?

The man laughed. “Yeah, no. Narrows is my favorite brother, not you. And I will shoot you if you don’t back away.”

Dick frowned. “Come on, I know they’re rubber bullets. You promised.”

The man cocked his head, followed by his weapons. “They still hurt like a b*tch.”

Dick sighed. “But you won’t actually shoot me. B would be mad.”

“As a very wise person once said,” the gun-toting man countered, “ ‘The Old Man can go yeet himself off a building for all I care!’ ”

Dick glared. “Don’t use my own words against me. I will reciprocate.”

The man sighed and put his guns back in their holsters, then held out his arms. Dick grinned and rushed forward for his hug. It was quick, though the stranger seemed to relax in those few seconds. Everyone lowered their weapons.

Once the embrace was over, the man reached up and removed his helmet and tucked it under his arms. “Introduce us to the Team, would you? I haven’t seen them in ages.”

“And I have never had the pleasure,” the woman added, a serene smile on her face.

Dick nodded then looked around at the group surrounding him, as if seeing them for the first time. He straightened, and adopted his usual more serious air. “This is Starfire, a Tamarean by the name of Koriand’r, and Red Hood, also known as Jason Todd. Former Robin. Along with Arsenal, they make up the Outlaws.”

“Former Robin?” M’gann asked, “Jason?”

Red Hood smirked. “I died. I got better. Nice to see ya, M’gann.”

Everyone stared, from those who had known Jason when he was a part of the Team, and those from later on, who’d seen his memorial. No one spoke a word ‘till Batman and Robin strolled into the room.

“Oh, hey Hood.” Tim said. “Kory.” He nodded politely. “Roy.”

“ ‘Sup Replacement. Batsy.” Red Hood stalked right up to them. He reached out and affectionately gave Tim a noogey. He cried out in outrage before jumping away. Jason turned to Batman, seemingly expectantly. “So?” he asked, “I came. You gonna get your lecture out of the way?”

Batman sighed before resting one guantled hand on the younger man’s shoulder. “Thank you for being here, Jason.” and, as if that were too much emotion for him, he turned and left the room with a sweep of his cape. Right before he went out of sight, however, he called over his shoulder. “You can stay in there and wait for the others or wander. Just don’t break anything.”

In the confused swirling of everyone’s mind, one thought arose.

Others?

*****

All was quiet for a while after the strange encounter with the Outlaws. Roy had gone around and introduced Jason and Kory, and at one point some Kryptonian named Supergirl joined the group, a few leaguers coming in to greet her. But overall it was quite still and calm.

That is, until the zeta whirred and the computer spoke.

“Unrecognized, D-04. Override: Batman 02.”

Everyone turned to the fading yellow light in time to see a feminine figure appear. She wore a solid purple bodysuit and dramatic cape, with black boots and gloves. She had a black and silver utility belt, along with a silver thigh strap. She also had a black bandoleer with a silver loop. Her face was masked by a wall of solid black, with two solid white lenses peaking out. The group swore those eyes were staring into their souls.

Surrounding her was a haze of purple glitter, which rained down from above her, and seeped out from the zeta platform. Her hands were raised dramatically above her head, and her hip was cocked to the side.

“What’s up, B*tches? I have arrived!”

Everyone was silent, staring at the glitter dissipating. From the back of the room, Robin groaned.

“Excuse me?” the girl asked. “How dare you disrespect the Purple People Eater!”

“Is she a villain?” Jaime asked, eyes wide.

“Worse,” Robin said.

The girl laughed. “I’m his ex!” She strolled out from the zeta platform, lowering her arms. She halted when a voice called from the door.

“Dead Robins’ Club, where you at?!”

The Outlaws strolled into the room, being led by Jason. The Red Hood walked right up to the purple clothed girl, and raised his hand for a high five. Being over six feet tall, it was way too high for her. She paused, tilted her head, and proceeded to judo-flip Jason to the ground. She lightly slapped his now open palm, and stepped over his groaning body, continuing on her way.

She reached Robin - who had been trying to hide behind Batman, but got dragged out - and the pair began a very long and complex secret handshake. It ended with the pair fistbumping, and each doing a backflip away from each other.

She then turned to Nightwing, who had just come into the room. He caught sight of her, and immediately exited again.

She turned back to Batman and put her hands on her hips. “Where are my waffles?”

Batman glared down at her. Everyone was sure the girl would balk - even Superman flinched under the full force of the Batgare™!

The girl laughed. “You know I need them to function, you old furry! So, where are my waffles?”

Gasps sounded around the room. This stranger just called Batman a furry? Oh boy, he was gonna break his no-kill rule, wasn’t he? Would their inability to halt the Dark Knight make them complicite in the crime? Would they have to bring Batman in for murder?

In the end, no death of the purple-imp took place. Batman gave a long suffering sigh, and brought his gloved hands to the bridge of his nose. “You had waffles before you got here, you don’t need anymore.”

The girl was silent, her hands strongly on her hips, and a fierce glare emanated from behind the mask. A moment later, Batman broke.

Broke.

Batman.

She defeated Batman in a battle of wills.

This girl was scary.

“They’re in the cafeteria. I made sure we were stocked up for you. All your favorite toppings as well.”

The girl perked up. “Aw, thanks Batsy! You spoil me, y’know? Be careful, people might start thinking I’m one of your kids!”

“You have a room in my house and routinely steal my credit cards atop your monthly allowance. You are one of my kids, whether I like it or not.”

The girl shrugged. “Fair enough. See ya!” She reached up and booped Batman.

Booped.

Batman.

She then turned and strolled out of the room. “MY WAFFLES AWAIT!”

All was quiet for a moment longer, before the dozens of heroes burst into chatter.

“Who was that?” Cassie asked.

“What’s her deal with waffles?” Garfield added.

Jaime raised his hand. “She gets an allowance?”

“She steals your credit cards?” La'gaan demanded. “And you let her?”

“Hold up,” Karen said, “She’s Tim’s ex?”

Virgil shook his head. “Anyone else confused about what just happened?”

“How’d she do the thing with the glitter,” Zatanna asked.

“Who is she?” Cassie repeated.

Batman held up a hand, and everyone quieted down. He gave a long suffering sigh before answering everyone’s questions in a tired yet monotone voice. One could describe it as Done™.

“That was Stephanie Brown. She’s usually the current Batgirl, but after a few … less than savory encounters with a villain called Condiment King, her uniform is … in for repairs. So she’s going by her first moniker: Spoiler. She’s also the fourth Robin. Waffles are her favorite food, and she requires them to function. She gets an allowance, and basically lives with me and my family, all of whom think it’s funny to steal my credit cards. She and Tim dated for a while, but now she’s proclaimed herschel to be ‘too good for him anyway’. I … don’t know how she deals with glitter. It’s apparently a trade secret.”

“She’s been Robin and Batgirl?” Conner asked, a touch of awe in his voice.

“That’s right, folks!” Stephanie called from a balcony overlooking the group. They looked up to find her with her mask off, eating an outrageously large stack of waffle with a hunting knife that had a bat symbol on it. “And I talk back to Batman!” She raised her arms over her head like a villainess.

“FEAR ME!!”

*****

To say everyone was a tad traumatized after Spoiler’s explosive entrance would be a lie. The once silent wanderings of heroes had developed into a hum of anticipation. Batman hadn’t given any more information about Stephanie, or who else was coming, so each time the zeta tube fired up, attention was immediately drawn to it. More and more heroes came to join the awaiting group.

The first few times had been a let down, some Green Lantern, and a couple other obscure heroes that Wonder Woman and Green Arrow had called in. The next time the zeta whirred, however, it was different.

“Unrecognized, D-07. Override: Batman 02.”

Several League members along with the full Team turned hesitantly to the zeta platform. The light flashed, and faded to leave a tall figure dressed in gold armor, with a red tunic and flowing yet ragged cape. A hood was pulled up, and a red mask covered his face. In his hand, he held a flaming gold sword.

For a long moment the man was still, leaving the other occupants to whisper to each other. Then, the sword’s strange fire was extinguished, and he sheathed the blade on his back. A moment later, he strolled forward into the mass of heroes, ignoring them all in favor of the Dark Knight standing in the back. Waves of menace flowed off of him as he parted the sea of people. It was so unlike the spontaneous chaos from Spoiler, it was quite unnerving. The man paused before Batman, both of them drawn up and calculating. They were so similar, yet so different.

They stared at each other for a long moment before the stranger reached up and removed his mask. In an instant, his whole demeanor changed. The anger and menace fell off of him, revealing a confident young man with long blond hair and a small smile of his face.

He reached into somewhere in his armor and pulled out a pair of round glasses. Putting them on, he spoke. “Hello Bruce, I came as soon as you called. I hear there’s an alien invasion that you need my help with?”

Batman nodded, relaxing as well. “Yes, Jean-Paul. They’ll be here in a few hours. In the meantime, feel free to introduce yourself or look around. There’s a library near the cafeteria that you might be interested in. Keep an eye out for Stephanie though.”

Jean-Paul nodded. “Of course. That sounds good. I also have a message from Oracle. She says that she’s sorry she couldn't stop them. The enemy’s plan is in action, and nothing short of a miracle will halt the carnage.”

There was a stir in the crowd. Barbara was the best hacker they knew, so she must have been put on stopping the aliens before they got there. But how would she access their systems? Were they already here?

Batman only sighed. “Thank you, Jean-Paul.”

The man nodded before looking back at the group. “Is there a problem?”

Beast Boy was the only one brave enough to speak. “Hi! I’m Garfield!” he said, stepping forward. “Who are you? And how do you know Batman? Also, that's a cool sword! ”

“My name is Jean-Paul Valley,” he answered, smiling. “Although when I am wearing the mask I am known as Azrael. That is the Sword of Sin, I’m glad you like it. And Batman and I have known each other for years, we both work in Gotham.”

Huh, this guy was pretty normal. The Team relaxed, certain that the strange terror was limited to only Spoiler.

Jean-Paul nodded to the group and went for the exit. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I really would like to do some reading. It’s been so long, I haven’t enjoyed one of Bruce’s libraries since back when I was Batman.”

Oh.

There it was.

*****

Batman had been bombarded with questions for the past ten minutes when Nightwing came into the room.

“What’s going on?” He asked, warily watching the crowd of heroes encircling the Dark Knight.

“Did you know that Thor-Copy-Cat was Batman?!” L’gaan demanded, whirling on the former Robin.

“Thor copy-cat?” Dick asked.

“He means Jean-Paul.” They looked over to find Jason leaning against a wall, still nursing his shoulder with an ice pack.

Dick laughed, holding onto his stomach. “Thor copy-cat! Jean-Paul! Oh that’s perfect.” he wiped the non-existent tear from his eye. “I need to use that.”

“Did you know?” Conner asked.

Dick frowned. “I mean, yeah? So have others. I even did it for almost a year, at one point.” He paused. “What, you didn’t think there have been more than one bat other than Bruce?”

The group was quietly embarrassed.

“Well besides Batgirl….”

All Gotham vigilantes present in the room - Red Hood, Nightwing, Robin, and Batman - shared a knowing look. Well, not with Bruce.

“You really are adorable,” Jason said, checking his phone for the time. “This’ll be great.”

Before anyone could question the reactions, the zeta tubes whirred.

“Unrecogised, D-08. Override: Batman 02”

This time, the man standing in the tube was unmistakably a bat. He wore a silver armored suit - that honestly looked a lot like Iron Man - with a blue glowing bat symbol, and a bat-like helmet. The latter of which had glowing blue lenses which matched the bat, as well as detailing the lining of his suit.

Everyone stared, a collective feeling of ‘oh crap’ running through their heads. This guy was 100% a bat.

“BATMAN!” He yelled across the large room, when the zeta finished cooling down. “What’s this about an alien invasion?”

Batman sighed heavily. “They’ll be here in a couple hours, and I called you in for assistance -”

“But that’s the problem, isn’t it!” He said, stalking forward. “You only call when something big is happening! The city is being attacked by aliens, or Bane is waging war. Never something simple or nice! You shipped me off to Africa, and yet you never call! The last person to actually email me was Dick! And you know how bad he is at contacting people!”

“Hey!”

The man ignored Dick and kept ranting. “Would it hurt to just check in every now and then? I know I’m not one of your kids, but ‘honorary cousin’ deserves at least some recognition, right? Just a phone call is all I ask for! Or a letter! Heck, I’d even take a telegram!”

He walked right up till he was nose to nose with Batman, and the Dark Knight spoke. “You’re right, I apologize.”

The man nodded, somewhat satisfied. A moment later, he replied. A hint of slyness creeping into his voice. “You know what would be nice? If someone were to ask how I was doing.”

Batman sighed. “How are you doing, Batwing?”

Batwing relaxed. “Good. And thanks, Bruce. I really appreciate it.”

There were several gasps, this time from the resident bats.

“You got him to apologize?” Tim asked, his eyes wide beneath the mask.

“He’s showing emotion!” Jason cried. “Watch out! The world’s about to end!”

Dick shook his head. “He acted caringly. I’ve waited years for this.”

Batman scowled. “I’ve shown emotion before.”

There were several scoffs. “Dick’s right, Bruce,” Batwing said, “It’s pretty rare. And I’ve known you for longer than him.”

Wait, he had? Who was this guy?

There was no chance to ask these questions, as suddenly over the intercom a female voice boomed.

“Attention all members of the Justice League, and strangely unnamed Team (y’know, you should really fix that). Please listen closely.” she paused dramatically. “Whichever speedster ate my third plate of waffles when I wasn’t looking: your doom is inevitable. I saw the skid marks. There’s no denying this. Not even Batman can stop me.”

“Uuh,” Batwing began, “who let Steph up here without supervision.”

Batman sighed, but didn’t answer.

Suddenly, all three speedsters burst into the room.

“You didn’t tell me your hoard was coming!” Barry exclaimed, waving his arms around. “I told you, once was enough! I don’t want to deal with them ever again!”

Bruce took a deep breath. “It’s all hands on deck,” he replied, “I have several operatives, and so it’s in everyone’s best interest to bring them in.”

“I dunno,” Wally replied, taking his place by Dick’s side, “The full force? That seems unnecessary.”

Dick laughed. “You’re just jealous. You know if all of us are here, there’d be no need for the league.”

Wally frowned “I mean, that’s true, but still.”

“I think you both are so moding,” Bart exclaimed, unable to contain himself. “The full Batfamily? Here? Together? And I get to meet them?” He raced over to Batwing, holding a notebook and pen. “Could I get your autograph?”

The man nodded and took the notebook from him. “Sure kid. You the time-traveller?”

Bart grinned down at the autograph. “This is so crash! And yup! Straight from the future!”

He nodded again. “Tell me, does Bruce ever stop adopting?”

Bart froze, his eyes wide. “Um … how many are currently in the family?”

Batwing snorted beneath his helmet. “Too many.”

Bruce cleared his throat, and everyone looked towards him.

“Admit it, B,” Dick said, an easy smile on his face.

“Admit what?” Everyone looked over to find Jean-Paul entering the room, reading a book that was vaguely glowing blue. “Oh, hello Lucas. Good to see you. How has Africa been?”

Batwing - Lucas? - took off his helmet, revealing a man in his mid twenties with dark skin, brown eyes, and short hair. He was also grinning.

“Nice to see you too, dude.” he nodded to the book. “You do any exploring?”

Jean-Paul nodded. “Oh, yes. The library is wonderful, and I also found where they keep alien technology, the cafeteria, game room, and training center. It’s all quite interesting.”

Lucas’ eyes widened. “Did you say tech?” He looked towards Batman. “He said tech, right?”

Bruce nodded. “Go ahead and check it out.”

*****

Despite what they proclaimed to be great danger, the three speedsters remained in the wide main space of the Watchtower. This turned out to be their downfall.

It started like much of the previous encounters had: a whirring and flash of light.

“Unrecogised, D-09. Override: Batman 02”

The figure standing in the tube this time was a young woman with blue and purple hair. Her uniform consisted of black pants and blue knee-high armoured boots, a belt with thigh straps that were dark grey, with a hint of a purple tint, a blue top with what could really only be described as an armoured corset, blue and yellow gloves, and a mask which covered her eyes then wrapped around with a chin guard. What really completed her outfit, however, was the ginormous gun that she carried with both hands.

The girl grinned and walked forward. “Hiya, Brucie! What’s chilling? Dick. Jason. Tim. You guys good?”

She continued forward, and the group was put at ease by her friendly personality. Despite the gun, she seemed pretty normal! They should have noticed the malicious glee in her eyes.

It was only when she passed the three speedsters that something happened. The girl tripped somehow on her own boot, twisting to the side, and fell onto her shoulder. Right before she hit the floor, her gun went off, letting loose a sharp stream of blue electricity that hit Barry Allen square in the chest.

After a split second, everyone drew their weapons. This girl just shot a major leaguer! But Batman waved them down. He had a look of consternation on his face, and didn’t look too bothered by the turn of events, despite what was obviously a purposeful attack on the Flash. Come on, no one falls that perfectly.

Other than a bat.

The girl leapt to her feet. “Oh my gosh, are you okay? I’m so sorry! The gun must have malfunctioned! I just recalibrated it earlier.”

No reply came, seeing as the fastest man alive was currently a groaning, unconscious form collapsed on the floor.

She tilted her head - not looking too concerned - and turned to Jason. “Yo, Hood, you know guns. Mind checking mine for me?”

Jason grinned. “Why, Bluebird, it would be my pleasure!”

He jogged over to the now-named Bluebird and took the gun from her. He twisted it around in his grip, searching for something. He doesn’t seem to find it, however, resting it normally back in his grip.

“Sorry, Narrows, I can’t seem to figure out -”

He was cut off by the gun suddenly letting loose another blast. It coincidently occured right as Barry was sitting up.

“What happ-” he started to say, but was knocked right back to the floor.

Jason jumped back, eyes wide. “Oh yeah, there’s something really wrong with that.” he glanced over at Batman, who was glaring at him. “Clearly not a fault of the operator. You might wanna get it checked out.”

Bluebird takes her gun back and slings it over her back before approaching Barry.

“Yo, I’m really sorry,” she announces before bending down and grabbing his shoulders. She paused for a moment before pulling him up.

Now, to anyone else, she might have seemed petulant. Sure, no one was completely convinced that it was an accident - is anything with the bats (and yeah, she was definitely a bat) - but Bluebird couldn’t have actually meant to hurt him, right?

No one knew for certain, except Conner. Because of his super-hearing he knew exactly what Bluebird whispered into the Flash’s ear when she helped him up:

“Those are for Spoiler’s Waffles.”

The half kryptonian paled, and took a step back. M’gann turned to him.

“Are you alright?” she asked over the mindlink.

Conner swallowed and looked back to where Bluebird was brushing off Barry’s back.

“Yeah,” he replied, purposefully not giving a reason. M’gann seemed to understand and turned back to watch the bats.

Bluebird had moved on from the speedsters - she’d already given her autograph to Bart, and gave a hug to a trembling Wally - and was conversing with Jason.

Just then, a large purple shape leapt out from the balcony above them. Their cape snapped out and Spoiler landed in a kneeling position right in front of the trio of speedsters. She rose up and looked at the dazed and swaying Barry Allen, and fear-filled Wally West and smiled.

“Well,” she said, “fate has a funny way of divvying out vengeance, doesn't it?”

She twirled and stalked over to Bluebird. “What’s up roomie?” she asked, and the pair fist bumped.

“Pretty good, Steph.” Bluebird replied, grinning. “It’ll be even better when our numbers are complete.”

Stephanie nodded solemnly “it is no light thing to be away from our fellow sisters.”

Batman sighed heavily. “Why are you like this?”

The pair turned to him, and spoke in unison. “It’s the trauma.”

*****

For the next few minutes, Bluebird and Spoiler wandered around the room, making small talk with the other heroes. It was discovered - after Bluebird jumped into a conversation between Roy, Will, and Jim proclaiming, “The best Harper has arrived!” - that the young woman was named Harper Row, and came from the Narrows in Gotham. She and Stephanie were roommates, as well as members of something called ‘The Cult of having a decent Fashion Sense - Looking at you, Discowing’™.

The speedsters had escaped to the far corner of the room, only Bart left to make the rounds for autographs, and were currently being Protected by Batman.

The duet of destruction had slowly been circling closer to those hiding behind the World’s Greatest Detective, but halted when yet another new arrival was announced.

“Unrecogised, D-10. Override: Batman 02”

Yet another feminine figure stood in the wake of the golden light, yet this one was far less colorful.

She was petite, but made it up for her dramatic all-black leather and kevlar bodysuit. She had the thin outline of a bat on her chest in yellow, which matched the utility belt at her waist. She had a long flowing cape that pooled from her shoulder spikes all down to around her feet. Her cowl had long ears hand extended all down her face, covering her mouth with extra, obvious lines of stitching.

She stood still for a long moment before tilting her head. The room felt like it dropped a few degrees under her stare. It was eerily similar to the effect Batman had on, well … pretty much everyone.

She didn’t say anything as she walked slowly yet purposefully into the ranks of earth’s finest. Past La’gaan, Garfield, and Karen in a huddle to the right. Past Raquel, Jaime, Cassie, Virgil, and Plastic man, who were spread out slightly to the left. Past Zatanna, Captain Marvel, Hawkman, Captain Adam, as well as Roy and Koriand’r, who were spread out to the right. She ignored Conner & M’gann, and Will & Cheshire to her right, and other assorted bats to her left. Except one.

She wasn’t the first to go straight for the Dark Knight, but she definitely was the first to ignore him, opting to take her place at his right side, standing still like a lieutenant at attention.

The others looked on in hesitant interest. So far, no one was traumatized.

Batman turned to the young woman, and it was quite disconcerting. They looked almost identical, if you set aside the size differences.

“Black Bat, how are the final preparations going in Gotham?”

The newly named Black Bat tilted her head.

Batman nodded. “Good, thank you.”

She nodded and turned back to stare at the group in front of her.

“Yo, Cass!” Spoiler called, racing over. “Did you bring the goods?”

Black Bat - Cass? - Nodded and reached into her utility belt, pulling out a small brown pouch. She reached in two fingers, and pulled them up revealing a soft silver powder the same shade as the floor.

“Great!” Bluebird said, rubbing her hands together in anticipation.

Everyone looked on in horror of whatever they were planning, but didn’t say a thing. Even Batman looked a touch uneasy.

Stephanie grinned and plucked the pouch from the mini-Batman’s hand. Then she looked at Batman. “You gonna say anything?”

Batman grunted.

Black Bat seemed to grin beneath her mask. “Too scared.”

Bluebird nodded. “It’s times like these that I really appreciate you being able to beat up Batman.”

There were several choked gasps.

“Pardon?” Jaime asked. “I don’t think that’s possible.”

Spoiler put a hand on her hip. “Not for Batman’s daughter!”

There several more gasps.

“That’s right, ladies and gentlemen!” Bluebird proclaimed, “You are in the presence of the one and only: Cassandra Cain-Wayne!”

The pair of vigilantes simultaneously stepped to either side of Black Bat and kneeled with their arms raised above their bowed heads.

“The daughter of Lady Shiva and David Cain, our lady and savior was raised from birth to be an assassin, she was never taught to speak.” Spoiler announced dramatically.

“But she persevered!” Bluebird continued. “She escaped when she was only a wee babe and after years of toil and misfortune, made her way to the fearful land of Gotham!”

“There, she was taken in by the mighty Oracle, and the Dark Knight. Her worthiness granted her the position of Batgirl, which she bore with strength.”

“After long, brave battles, she engaged her mother, Lady Shiva, the deadliest person on earth, in a battle to the death!”

“The awe-some Batgirl unleashed her prowess, and after being killed by her mother - on purpose - was brought back to life by a magic tea and managed to defeat the woman.”

“From then on, she was proclaimed the deadliest person on earth, in her mother’s stead. She returned to Gotham, and was adopted by Batman (‘cause this guy really can’t resist small, traumatized kids, sheesh) and truly became a member of the family.”

“From then on, she claimed the one true title that outshone all the rest, the one that was destined for her since birth.”

The pair looked at each other. “Bruce’s favorite child.”

“Hear her name and tremble!” Spoiler cried out, “oh she who is next in line for the mantle of the Dark Knight. Oh she who has Batman wrapped around her little finger!”

They rose in unison, and bowed to Cassandra. They kept their heads down low and they backed away from her presence.

“Is …” Garfield asked quietly, “is that all true?”

Batman looked to Black Bat with something akin to pride in his expression. “Yes, Cassandra is a skilled and accomplished warrior. But I don’t have a favorite child.”

The young woman preened under the praise, before seeming to frown. “Yes, you do,” she proclaimed, tapping her chest.

Batman frowned right back at her. “Why don’t you go cause chaos with Harper and Stephanie?”

She nodded. “The truth is hard. I understand.”

Cassandra whirled around and stalked away from him with a self satisfied air. She pulled off her cowl as she left, revealing an asian young woman with pale skin, a short bob, and smiling lips.

“So,” she said, upon reaching her destination, “Where are the waffles?

*****

The zeta tube whirred yet again, and everyone glanced towards it quite hesitantly, after the previous encounters. But there was still this morbid fascination. One that had drawn several major leagues, and members of the Team who had not been present before.

But this time instead of some stranger, or vaguely friendly-looking hero, every single person in the main area of the Watchtower knew exactly who the three females standing on the platform were.

The first, standing off to the right, was a woman in her early thirties with a red and black outfit consisting of shorts, a corset, jacket, thigh high stockings, and converse high-tops with pom-poms on them. Her skin was bone white, the only color coming from the pink and blue makeup she wore, which matched her long pigtails and loose bangs framing her face. She held an oversized mallet in her hands.

The woman to the left, had bright red hair, and skin tinted green. She wore an entirely green ensemble consisting of tights, thigh-high boots, and a leotard with vines that also grew along her arms and legs, and around her boots. She had a grim look upon her face, and her fingers twitched under the weaving roses that served as bracelets.

The woman in the center had her hip cocked to the side, a hand resting upon it. She was dressed in a skin tight black leather suit, with a cowl that covered her hair and formed small cat ears. She wore a pair of red goggles placed over her eyes. A long black leather whip was coiled around her waist, trailing behind her emulating the look of a cat tail.

Harley Quinn.

Poison Ivy.

Catwoman.

The Gotham City Sirens.

Crap.

The room’s tension was palpable, no one saying a word. Then, Catwoman spoke a single word.

“Bat.” her red lips had a flirtatious smirk to them.

It was the Dark Knight who replied. “Cat,” he said, just as tense.

The woman strolled out of the zeta dock and into the sea of heroes. The Team and League parted for her passage, not quite sure what to do. Eh, let Batman handle her.

Catwoman continued on her way till she reached the World’s Greatest Detective, pausing barely a foot away from him. No one breathed.

Then she tilted her head, reached up, and wrapped her arms around Batman’s neck. He leaned down to join her in a kiss, wrapping his arms around her waist. It was a very passionate kiss.

M’gann covered Garfield’s eyes.

For a long moment, there was only shocked silence. Then an uproar began.

“GET A ROOM!”

“Think about the children!”

“In front of my salad?!”

“Why do you have to do this here? It’s in public!”

“Where’s the bleach?!”

“I am tainted!”

“My eyes!”

“Keep it PG!”

“Does anyone know what decency is anymore?”

“GRODY-PICKLES!”

“RIP my innocence, 2020.”

“AGAIN?!”

The Team turned to find the group of Gotham vigilantes gathered to the side of the room yelling into their hands like an angry mob. Dick had thrown himself dramatically into Stephanie’s arms, and was weeping. Stephanie held him up, eyes blown wide. Jason had fallen to his knees in shock and disgust. Tim had both hands over his chest, and looked away, the very picture of a repressed Victorian maiden. Harper was gripping wildly onto Cassandra’s back, trying to hide yet at the same time looking all together too invested in the scene before her. Cassandra was still, staring straight ahead with a haunted, traumatized look in her eye.

The Bat and the Cat pulled away from each other after a long moment, and turned to the other Gotham vigilantes.

Seeing that the crisis was averted, the heroes perked up in unison, leaving no trace of their dramatic horror.

Jason stood and strolled over to Harley and Ivy. “How are my fellow Rogues doing?”

Harley grinned and initiated some kind of intricate handshake, including two twists, a “feigned” sucker punch, and both of them collapsing to the floor, clutching their guts like they’d been stabbed. All in all, it was a much more violent version of Spoiler’s and Robin’s from earlier.

“How ya doin’ Red?” Harley asked as she rose from the floor, “you missed our last therapy session!”

Jason looked a little guilty. “Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. Stuck in a gunfight. You know how it is.”

The woman nodded sagely. “Just don’t let it happen again, ‘kay? This is for yer own good!”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Really? I thought the point was to b*tch about the Joker together?”

Harley gasped, clutching her chest. “How dare you profane my good profession! I only live to serve, not talk about my sh**ty ex!”

Dick snorted, coming over. “Don’t you have your license revoked?”

Harley shook her head. “That hasn’t stopped you from coming.”

Dick looked a touch sheepish.

“Harley Quinn is your therapist?” Zattanna asked incredulously. “What about Dinah?”

“Convenience,” all the bats proclaimed in unison. “Harley’s in Gotham most of the time, or hanging around the manor eating all our food.”

“What can I say?” She asked, twirling the hammer around, “I missed the times I’d go there for homework and enjoy Agent A’s cookies.”

“Homework?” several people asked.

Harley looked betrayed. “Are you telling me Batsy over there didn’t tell you we’re friends? Have been since medical school!”

“And then you became criminally insane, and murdered people” Batman countered, cutting off the several boiling questions the occupants of the room wanted answered. Unfortunately, it just doubled the amount.

“Well, you dropped out and fought crime in a leather and kevlar fursuit, so who really has it worse?”

Batman didn’t deign to answer, turning instead to Poison Ivy, who had been watching on in thinly veiled interest.

“Pamela, would you like to take your girlfriend to the atrium? There are several plant species you might be interested in, and could benefit from your skills.”

Ivy smirked. “What do you say, Harls?”

“A date in the park!” Harley replied, bouncing over and slinging her arm under Ivy’s elbow. “How romantic.”

The two strolled out together - apparently knowing which way to go? - but not before Harley turned and called over her shoulder, “Farewell my little munchkins!”

The bats chorused back: “Bye aunty Harley! Bye aunty Pam!”

*****

“You’re married to a villainess-”

“Anti-hero, darling.”

“-and your kids’ honorary aunts are also villains?” Flash asked, after Batman had - oh so reluctantly - explained what the heck had just happened. “What’s next!? You use the League of Shadows for babysitting?!”

Several bats choked.

“That,” a newly returned Luke Fox - muttered, “is scarily accurate.”

“Pardon?” Flash said, hands on his hips.

“I used to be an assassin,” Jean-Paul musued, “I really don’t recommend it. Ruins your childhood, I would say.”

Cassandra nodded towards him. “Yes, I agree. No fun. All training. I never got cake.”

Stephanie groaned. “Why did I ever make that joke?”

No one answered, as just then, another new arrival was proclaimed.

“Unrecogised, D-14. Override: Batman 02”

The Team and League seemed to have the same idea in their head, as they were all immediately on alert, weapons drawn and at the ready.

The figure standing there was quite the oxymoron. He wore an armoured suit in a combination of bright yellow and black. The pats were heavily black, with the exception of a yellow detail on each side, and his yellow boots. He had a black utility belt more streamlined than the other bats, with yellow detailing. His top was mostly yellow, except for the huge, reflective white Bat symbol outlined in black on his chest. His helmet was yellow, with slightly pointed ears, and a black visor covering his eyes and nose shaped like a bat, with the wings extended off and back.

In a split second he had pulled yellow escrima sticks with little bat wings from behind him, and was in a battle stance.

“Uh, Bruce?” He called, over the sea of heroes. “What’s going on?”

“What are you doing?” Batman growled at the others.

“Hold on,” Conner said to him before looking back at the stranger. “Who are you?”

“The Signal,” he answered somewhat hesitantly, “I’m from Gotham. B’s newest protege.”

Conner nodded. “Are you evil?”

The teen seemed to blinked beneath his helmet. “Not that I know of?”

“Have you ever been Batman?”

“Nope, and I don’t want to.”

“Do you wish Batman contacted you more?”

“We live in the same house, so … no?”

“Have you ever defeated anyone in a death battle?”

“Fortunately, I’ve never been in that position.”

“Have you ever died and come back from the dead?”

“Naw. Jason keeps telling me to give it time, and I’ll join the Dead Robin’s Club eventually, though.”

“Do you have a strange obsession with a particular food group?”

“No, I’m not Stephanie.”

“Do you have any intent to harm a member of the League or Team with large non-lethal weaponry?”

This time, the tennager laughed. “Oh, did Harper get here before me?”

“Answer the question!”

“No, I do not. I’m just here to help out with some alien invasion, then head home and finish my english homework.”

The group nodded. “You’re good,” Conner called.

The Signal relaxed, putting his weapons away. “Oh, okay? Thank you?”

So far, so good. The occupants of the room were quite pleasantly surprised by how normal this ‘Signal’ was.

He walked - slightly cautiously - out and into the group, who moved back.

He was quickly approached, however, by the bats. Cassandra skipped over to him, and they fist-bumped. He and Tim high-fived. Signal gave him a weird look, but it didn’t last. Jason came up next, and initiated a man-hug. Stephanie pulled him down into a headlock. Luke again fist-bumped him. Jean-Paul shook his hand.

Harper, however, stalked right up to him. The pair stared at each other for a long moment.

“Narrows Number Two,” Signal said a touch fridgedly.

“Actual Narrows Number Two,” Harper replied just as chilly.

Stephanie elbowed Cass, who pulled out a bag of popcorn from somewhere in her belt and the pair started to munch.

“Both of you calm down, will you?” Tim asked. “Your rivalry is getting petty. You're both from Narrows. Get over it.”

“First of all,” Jason replied as Signal and Bluebird continued to stare at each other, “You’re one to talk. Demon Brat?”

Tim cringed. “That’s-”

“Secondly,” Jason interjected, “One of them is clearly better!”

The two ‘Narrows’ turned to look at Jason.

“Nope, not saying which.”

“We’ll find out one day.” Signal replied.

“Yeah, we’ll discover it’s me!”

“Nu-uh.”

Just then, Dick finally pulled himself away from Wally - he’d been panicking from the sheer number of Gothamites in the room and had become quite clingy - and strolled over.

“ ‘Sup, Duke? How was the trip over?”

Signal - now named Duke - opened his mouth to reply when he suddenly gasped. “GO RIGHT!” He yelled, surprising the group of heroes.

Dick didn’t even pause to consider what the heck was going on, diving to the right in a graceful leap, tucking into a roll and hiding behind M’gann.

A split second later, Artemis Crock ran into the room, carrying a bucket filled with a sloshing liquid. She suddenly tripped on something, and was flung forward, and onto the floor. Her bucket flew, and in a long, dramatic arc, the liquid landed in a splash across the wide open space.

A space in which Nightwing had just been standing.

The Signal had somehow known exactly where, and when the massive spill would occur.

Dick straightened from behind M’gann, and helped Artemis up.

“You okay?” he asked.

Artemis rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“My water!” Wally cried, collapsing to his knees at the sight of the spill.

“Your … water?” Dick asked slowly.

Artemis smirked. “He wanted to get holy water so he could protect himself.

Dick’s eyes widened.

“WALLACE RUDOLPH WEST, FOR THE LAST TIME: MY FAMILY AND I ARE NOT VAMPIRES!”

Suddenly, Cassandra sneaked up behind Wally, and whispered into his ear: “or are we?”

The speedster scrambled backwards and ran to Dick and Wally. “Nope! Don’t believe you!”

“Excuse me?” Rocket asked, “or are we just gonna ignore the fact that this guy knew what was gonna happen?”

The bats looked at each other. “Yeah,” Signal said, “That sounds good to me.”

*****

Despite much cajoling, the bats didn’t share any information.

Said Gothamites were only given a reprieve when the zeta tube whirred yet again. Except, their reaction was different than before. Batman looked ever so slightly ill at ease, and the others seemed to be filled with a weird sense of reverence.

“Unrecogised, D-15. Override: Batman 02”

For the first time in a long time, the group relaxed. They knew who remained in the afterglow of the zeta, and not from a Gotham’s Most Wanted list.

Sitting in a wheelchair, surrounded by cases and duffle bags, was Barbara Gordon, the first Batgirl, and now the Tech Goddess known as Oracle.

She smiled as she saw the group, and waved. “Hey guys.” then she looked at all the stuff she’d brought with her. “Yo, big muscle dudes, help me with this will you?”

Before anyone could move - really, who had she meant? Half the guys in there were big and muscley - Jason and Jean-Paul walked up.

“For the last time Babs, would you stop that? I’m more than my fabulous guns, y’know!”

Babs grinned even wider. “But however am I supposed to differentiate you from Dick?”

“Hey!” Dick cried, indignant. “I am lithe and aerodynamic!”

Jason grinned. “Yeah, I think I get it now.”

Jean-Paul smiled to himself as he picked up a bag, but didn’t say anything.

Together, they carried the mountain of supplies Barabara had brought, as she rolled out of the platform. She took her time, spinning slowly in loose circles. She grinned when she finally reached the bats, and Harper, Stephanie, Cassandra, and Tim all fell down on their knees.

“Hello, most powerful leader!” Steph announced loudly.

Babs laughed. “Stop, guys, you make it sound like you’re in a cult.”

In unison, all the bats turned to look at Batman, who just sighed.

“On second thought,” Babs amended, “That seems pretty accurate.”

Harper brightened. “Does that mean you brought the blood sacrifice?”

Barbara chuckled and ruffled her hair. “Maybe, maybe not, kid.”

“Oracle,” Batman said, “please tell me you didn’t bring twenty pounds of raw ground beef again.”

“Wait, what?” Luke asked, looking back and forth between them. “You guys performed the sacred rite of Batcow’s remains without … me?”

Barbara looked solemn. “No comment.”

Wally grumbled and muttered something under his breath that sounded like “Try and tell their not vampires, I dare you.”

Artemis rolled her eyes and cuffed him on the back of the head. Barbara winked at him.

Batman sighed heavily. “Could you go five minutes without traumatizing someone?”

Babs turned her wheelchair slowly to face Batman, her face hard. “I’m sorry,” she asked, “Have you met your hoard?”

Batman paused, looking at her for a long moment. If the others hadn’t known better, they would have thought The Dark Knight was scared of Oracle. But that’s just crazy talk.

Babs smiled “That’s what I thought.”

Then she turned to Tim, picking up a black case. “Tim,” she called, handing it out to him, “I brought your stuff. You might want to get ready soon.”

TIm’s eyes had widened beneath his mask. “Crap!” He yelled, darting forward and grabbing it before running out of the room. “Thanks so much!” he called behind him.

Babs smiled at the Team’s confusion. “Kids these days,” she sighed, “always in a rush.”

*****

Everyone had thought they were done. Oracle was here, and since Azrael had mentioned her earlier, it was logical to assume no one else was coming. Harley Quinn & Poison Ivy, and Superman & Wonder Woman had even come back from wherever they’d been, increasing the sense of finality. Besides, Spoiler, Bluebird, and Black Bat had danced around in the paterns Babs had rode in her wheelchair when she first came, tossing the silver powder around like it was some ancient greek celebration.

Then, Tim emerged from wherever he’d been, and the confusion flew right back up to the level it’d been when Jason first arrived.

“What are you wearing?” Jaime asked, staring.

Tim had completely transformed. He wore a mostly black suit, with a red front on the torso, golden bandoleers crossed his chest, joined by a black circular icon. They also wrapped around his biceps. He had a black utility belt, and more bands along his waist. He still wore a black domino mask. His cape, however, had been replaced by a dramatic red wing-like alternative, which swept out and down. He looked older than he did in his normal Robin costume, and he seemed more sure of himself.

“Do me a favor and call me Red Robin from now on?” He asked, looking at the surprised faces.

“What?” Cassie asked, eyes wide.

Tim sighed. “Let’s just say I still go by Robin here and if some people find out, I’m doomed.”

Duke laughed. “So that’s why you were in a weird Robin costume earlier? Why the heck would you do that?”

Tim glowered at him, and Duke grinned back. “Do you know how hard it is to change your profile on here? How long it takes?”

Duke looked like he was having a field day. “So you couldn’t be bothered?”

“No,” Tim replied, hands on his hips, “no I could not.”

Just then, the zeta tube whirred again, and Tim froze. Those dreaded words spoke again, and the Team and associates were more than a little scared.

“Unrecogised, D-16. Override: Batman 02”

The figure standing there was small, around four feet. No one had met him before, but he was still familiar, and they knew his name without asking.

This small bean was clearly a Robin.

He wore a red tunic with a yellow ‘R’ on his breast, and several detailing stripes along the sides of his torso, and the edges of his tunic were lined with the same color. He had black pants, and green gloves and knee-high lace-up boots. His cape was black and lined with yellow. He wore a black domino mask, and his hair was dark and spiky.

He surveyed the room slowly, ignoring the wide, shocked eyes. He seemed to be searching for something. Then, he zoomed in on Superman.

“KEEEEEENNTT!” Robin yelled, storming out.

They moved out of his way, fearful of this pint-sized ball of rage. This turned out to be a smart choice, as Robin drew a sword from his back as he walked. It glowed green.

Like it was coated in Kryptonite.

Which it probably was, knowing the bats.

Superman’s eyes widened, and he took a step back as the child approached.

Superman.

Backed up.

And looked like he wanted to run.

Robin stalked right up to the Big Blue Boyscout, holding the sword right under his chin.

“Where. Is. He?” the boy demanded.

“I-” Clark looked desperately towards Batman, clearly seeking aid.

Batman grunted. “You know the rule. If they can get into the kryptonite vault, they have free reign to use it nonlethally.”

“This doesn’t seem nonlethal to me!”

Robin scoffed. “Stop your incessant whining, Alien. Answer my question. Where is Superboy?”

This unleashed a wave of confusion over the crowd, and everyone looked to Conner.

Superboy’s eyes widened. “You know him?” he demanded.

“Tt,” the boy sneered, “of course. Now answer, Kent.”

Superman swallowed. “He’s on his way. Lois had to pick him up from school.”

Robin frowned even harder than before. “Of course he’s at such a plebian establishment.” He sheathed his sword. “Very well, I shall await his arrival.”

Robin sniffed before strutting over to the assorted bats.

“Aw,” Spoiler cooed. “Are you missing your friend?”

“Demon Brat is lonely!” Jason cried, reaching over to ruffling Robin’s hair. The boy pulled a dagger on him.

“Damian Al Ghul Wayne!” Dick gasped, taking the knife from the kid. “You know stabbing is strictly prohibited on family members!”

A murmur grew in the ranks of the heroes, voicing one thought: “Al Ghul?”

The bats looked positively gleeful, except for Batman.

“Sooooooo,” Duke began, grinning. “Y’know how Batman can’t resist three things in the world?”

“Justice,” Harper, putting her hands on her hips in a dramatic posture.

“Orphans,” Tim added, pointing around at all the bats.

“And hooking up with women who are actually his villains!” Catwoman finished, joining the kids. When Batman gave her a look she shrugged. “I’m self-aware, darling.”

“Anyways!” Stephanie cut in, “Batman and Talia Al Ghul were totally a thing at one point.”

“After some hinky interactions,” Jason picked up, “they created-”

“This little bundle of joy!” Dick finished, swooping forward to sweep Damian up in his arms, and twirling around.

“Grayson, put me down this instant!” the boy cried. “I have several shurikens on my person!”

“And,” Luke added, “as you can probably tell, he was raised as an assassin.”

“Much like most of us,” Jean-Paul said, and he and Cassandra fist bumped.

“He’s cute,” she said, then plucked a dagger from the kid’s wriggling arms, “and pointy.”

Luke snorted, “Now that’s an understatement.”

Damian growled. “You are all incorrigible. Dr. Quinzel, I demand an intervention on my behalf.”

Harley tilted her head, considering her options. “I dunno kiddo,” she said, “familial bonding is good for mental health.”

“Of all the times to-” Damian was cut off by Tim slapping a hand over Robin's mouth.

“Not that we don’t adore your word-skills, Dami, but this is not the place.”

Ivy rolled her eyes. “Oh, stop pestering him.” she extended her hand, and a vine shot out from a potted plant Harley had been carrying, plucking Damian from Dick’s grip.

“Hey!” he cried, but gave in.

Damian had a satisfied smirk as he was set down by the pair of villains. “My thanks, Dr. Isely.”

Ivy smiled. “You’re very welcome, Damian.”

Dick frowned. “Since when have you two been so buddy-buddy?” he demanded.

“Since he acknowledges that I have a PHD, and treats me with respect.”

Dick frowned, “What have I ever done to you that shows disrespect?”

Ivy stared at him. “You stepped on grass,” she said in a deadpan.

Chaos exploded within the bats, shouting about who had mistreated plants the most, and what does or doesn’t count as plant-murder.

Meanwhile, Pamela and Damian shared a private smirk, and fist-bump.

Oh, they’d have to look out for those two.

*****

Ten minutes later, the chaos had settled down into a dull thrum. Damian was still with the villains, now joined by Catwoman. The boy seemed to enjoy the fawing that was done over him. Dick however, was pouting in the corner. Not even the combined efforts of Wally and Artemis could draw him out.

So, no one was looking forward to the next time the zeta whirred. No doubt, some bat that no one had heard of before this day would stand there, intent on torturing their minds worse than any martian could.

But this time was different - no, seriously!

“Unrecogised, D-17. Override: Superman 01”

Everyone eagerly looked up. Someone from Superman? Could their prayers for sanity have been answered?

As the light faded, yet another small figure appeared, also a small boy. The main difference, however, between him and Robin, was the giant grin on his face.

The boy stood with a slightly wide stance, his hands on his hips. It looked a lot like Superman’s pose.

Combine that with the ripped jeans, red converse, superman hoodie, and red cape, this kid must the alternate ‘Superboy’ mentioned earlier.

He started to float - once again reaffirming their thoughts - and went straight for Superman. “Hey dad!” he cried, and went in for a hug.

Clark laughed, “Hey there Jon. You have a good trip?”

“Yup!” the kid cheerfully replied, before turning around to the group. “Conner!” he yelled, also going in for a big hug.

“Hey, kid. Didn’t know you were coming.”

Jon rolled his eyes. “ ‘Course I came! Aliens are so cool!”

“You do realise you’re half alien, right?”

Jon pouted. “You know what I mean.”

He then bounced around the room, shaking everyone’s hands, with cries of “Beast Boy, you’re so cool!” and “Wow, I’ve always wanted to meet you, Zatanna!”

The group had to admit, it was quite cheerful, and a great change of pace.

The kid then turned to the bats. “Hi, guys!” he waved, but didn’t approach.” Then, he set his eyes on Robin.

“DAMIAN!” he beamed, and flew over even faster than before.

The Sirens backed away as Robin was engulfed in a superspeed, super strength hug.

“Kent, cease this obscene behavior at once! There are witnesses!”

Jon backed away, a sad look on his face. “You don’t want a hug from me?”

Damian looked extremely conflicted, glancing around at the eyes on the pair of them. In the end he sighed, before shooting out a glare that clearly said “Not. A. Word.”

They hugged again, everyone in the room resisted the urge to give out one long “aaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!”

The separated, and Damian glared at the group of bats who were giggling.

The tiny Robin was stopped, however, by the Superboy. “Calm down, Dami.”

Damian sniffed. “Of course. They are below me.”

Jon sighed, then turned to their audience. “I’m trying with him, I promise.”

Conner shook his head. “How do you two even know each other to begin with?”

Jon frowned. “Dad didn’t tell you? We got set up on a playdate-”

“Training session.”

“By Uncle Bruce. Damian kidnapped me, threatened me with kryptonite, we fought crime, got ice cream, pranked Jason, and are now best friends!”

“Allies.”

Jon frowned. “Best. Friends.” he insisted.

“I’m sorry,” Zattanna said, “But who are you, kid?”

He looked betrayed. “Conner didn’t mention me?” there were several shaken heads, and he sighed. “Superman’s my dad. I’m Superboy! Kon and I share the title, but Damian says I’m the cooler one-”

“I said marginally more competent.”

“See? Cooler! Anyway, I haven’t gotten to come up here yet.” he looked around. “We’re in space! Isn’t that cool, Damian?”

“We’ve been in space before.”

“Yeah, but this time we’re with other superheroes!”

“I’m a vigilante, not a superhero.”

Jon pouted, then looked at the bats with a hopeful gaze.

“Sorry, kiddo,” Harper said, hoisting her gun. “We’re anything but heroes-”

“Anti-hero, darling.”

“I’m an Outlaw!”

“Shut up, Jason,” Harper interjected. “Now, as I was saying, we-”

Duke suddenly snapped to attention, sweeping forward in front of the group of Gothamites, falling into a knee slide with his arms thrown out to his sides.

“ARE ROBIN!” he finished dramatically.

“Oh gosh,” Tim muttered, barely containing laughter. “What was that?”

Duke winked. “My time to shine.”

The bats laughed, clearly at some inside joke, and Jon pouted. “You’re all mean.”

“That’s it!” M’gann announced, coming over to hug the boy, “I’m adopting him! He’s our mascot now.”

*****

With the unanimous agreement to bring Jon Kent into the fold of the Team, everyone was filled with a good, happy feeling. Like they could actually win this thing. Despite the aliens still being an hour away.

Little did they know, the most dramatic entrance was yet to come.

Harper, Cassandra, and Stephanie had been giggling with each other for the past few minutes, glancing around at the others around them. Barbara, though not as overt, definitely seemed satisfied.

It wasn’t until the zeta yet again that they realised something was up.

“Unrecogised, D-18. Override: Batman 02”

The figure standing in the light was a blonde young woman, in a red, skin-tight suit. She had a yellow ‘V’ cut down on her chest, coming back up to her shoulders where they met the large, yellow cape that flowed behind her in a nonexistent wind. It’s edge was irregular, causing it to look like flames. She had a yellow utility belt at her waist, and in her thighs and biceps, where her boots and gloves ended, flames decals stuck out from the suit. Her cowl covered her face, along with pale yellow goggles, but let her long blonde hair flow free.

She had her arms open wide to the sides. A moment after her arrival, she snapped her fingers, and sparks flew from her hands, falling to the floor. It was there, that everything caught on fire.

The sparks ignited some unseen substance, and twin lines of fire shot out and down in the crowd. Everyone backed up in a panic, seeing the flame swirl out in a dramatic pattern that looked suspiciously like the path Oracle had taken upon her arrival, and Bluebird, Black Bat, and Spoiler had danced, throwing a silver powder …

Oh.

No one really had a chance to say anything, as at that moment to say anything as suddenly, music began to play over the soundsystem:

Oh my!

Feels just like I don't try

Looks so good I might die

All I know is everybody loves me!

The stranger grinned as she began to walk out from the hangar, her arms slowly rising as she swung her hips. She seemed to have perfected the ‘model walk’, placing one foot directly in front of the other with an easy grace.

Head down,

Swaying to my own sound

Flashes in my face now

All I know is everybody loves me

Everybody loves me

As the music faded away, the fire burned down whatever had been on the floor, leaving no trace.

“Flamebird,” Batman growled at her when she approached.

Flamebird laughed. “What’s the matter, oh dearest cousin of mine? Did you not appreciate my entrance?”

“It was unnecessary.”

Stephanie gasped. “Are you downplaying the hard effort we put in?”

“Dad,” Cassandra asked, eyes wide, “you don’t care?”

Batman looked conflicted. “Don’t give me that look.” he turned away from his daughter, a moment too early, not spotting the not-so-discreet high-five all the girls shared.

“Really, Bruce,” Flamebird continued, “You aren’t one to talk about drama. Plus, have you seen your kids?”

Batman looked at the shining faces of the Gotham vigilantes, who had gleeful grins on.

He turned away, and muttered under his breath something that sounded suspiciously like “why didn’t I stop with Richard?”

“Hey, you know that wouldn’t help you with me!” Flamebird proclaimed, a wicked grin on her face. “We’re stuck forever together!”

“Oh, give him a break, Bette” Dick said, coming over to ease his hands around her shoulder, “he’s a frail old man.”

Bette nodded, “oh, yeah, you’re right Dick! Say, when is Cass set to take over the mantle?”

Cass grinned and signed something quickly, causing all the bats to let out uproarious laughter.

“Don’t worry,” Bette said, joining the ranks of the Bats, “Kate’s already promised me the spot. I just need to find the perfect retirement home for her, and we’re all set!”

“Unlimited booze, right?” Jason asked, a wicked gleam in his eye.

Bette laughed. “Don’t worry, she has a wet bar titled ‘Jaybird’s Paradise’ on her list.”

Batman grunted “speaking of Kate-”

“Oh no,” Bette said, grinning, “I’m not saying a thing.”

*****

Bart Allen was overjoyed, and anyone could tell. He zipped around, a huge grin on his face, as he ensured he got autographs from every single member of the Batclan, as well as a few heroes who’d been called in by others.

“Would you take care of your cousin, West.” Damian growled after Bart had whipped by, blowing his hair hair out of place for the third time. Apparently, the pride at being asked for his signature wasn’t enough to deter the Robin’s annoyance at the speedster.

Wally rolled his eyes, “Bart, why don’t you go eat something?”

Bart froze, his eyes wide, “I can’t!” he wailed, “I’m too excited! Wally, what’s happened to me?”

Dick frowned, he looked like he wanted to ask whether that was possible for a speedster, but decided against it. He turned to Wally instead, “He’s your cousin, what're you gonna do?”

Wally frowned, “Dude, you’ve adopted him by association. Same for Artemis.”

Artemis grinned, a touch slyly, “Yeah, you spend so much time at our house, you’ve been granted co-parenting statis.”

“Now hold up,” Barry said, “I thought the Garrick’s were taking care of Bart?”

Dick, Artemis, and Wally all laughed.

“Well, yeah,” Wally answered, “But he spends enough time in our fridge to call it a second home.”

“Like the same can’t be said about you?” Dick teased.

Artemis rolled her eyes. Barry opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by the last sound anyone wanted to hear.

The Zeta Tube.

The group froze, and turned slowly to the dock, just in time to see the light fade.

“Unrecogised, D-19. Override: Batman 02”

Standing in the tube was a tall woman, her hands on her hips, and her chin lifted ever so slightly. She was the picture definition of confidence.

She wore a black skin-tight leather and kevlar suit, with a red Bat-symbol on her chest. She wore knee-high boots of the same vibrant shade of red. She also wore long red gloves, with the same types of spikes that Batman, and the others had. Her utility - also in red - had several pockets, a holster filled with a handgun on each side of her hips, and a Bat-symbol at the front. Her cowl didn’t cover her hair, letting the long flowing red locks to swirl behind her. She had a long black cape that wrapped around her and was lined with the exact same shade of red. It was quite the ensemble.

The woman surveyed the crowd for a moment before she grinned. “Brucie!” she called, “so nice of you to invite me!”

Batman frowned instantly, and grunted. Though, it honestly sounded more like a groan. “Batwoman.” he managed to get out.

Batwoman - honestly, it really fit her - frowned. “Is that any way to greet family?” she asked.

Batman turned like he was about to leave the room, but Seline gripped his arm and pulled him back.

“Why don’t you say hello to your cousin, bat?” she asked slyly before turning back to Batwoman. “Kate darling, how have you been?”

Batwoman - Kate - approached them, grinning just as slyly. “Why Selina, darling, I’ve been well. Brucie's been treating you right?”

Selina glanced back at Bruce. “For now. He could stand to give me more diamonds, of course.”

Kate nodded, “Men always can. Just remember my offer is always open for when he disappoints you.”

Selina quite clearly looked Kate up and down, “and I’ll most definitely keep that in mind.”

Bruce groaned outright, “Would you stop flirting in front of me?”

Kate glanced at him. “You could leave the room if you want.”

Bruce growled at her, “You do realise Selina is my wife? Not yours?”

“For now,” Selina drawled, tilting her head up at him.

“Moving on!” Dick announced, jumping forward, effectively cutting off the flirtatious looks between the two women, and the rising stress levels of Batman. “Great to see you, Aunt Kate, really. But since we’re all here-”

There were several relieved gasps from the group, and even a couple cheers.

Dick cringed apologetically to the group before turning back to Batman, “Uh … think we could get Raven to pull Terry in now?”

The rejoicing was quickly cut off.

“Raven?” Tim asked, “When she’s coming?”

“I’m already here.”

Tim screamed and whipped around to find a teenage girl dressed in a dark blue leotard, with a dark pink gem surrounded by a ring of gold on it, dark gray leggings, dark blue long gloves atop she wore black fingerless gloves with matching gems. She wore dark blue heeled boots, and a cloak of the same color. It was clasped with another gem, and the hood shaded the top portion of her face.

She floated in a lotus position, a few feet off the floor, and she glowed faintly purple.

“Raven,” Batman acknowledged. “Thank you for coming.”

She nodded, “In the Dark Realm of Azarath, it is customary to accept invitations to annihilate your enemies.”

Dick grinned, “that’s the spirit!” he tried to clap her on the back, but his hand was immediately cloaked in darkness and then thrown back.

“In the Dark Realm of Azarath, those who show public affection are tossed to the great eight-legged Spider Gorgon.”

Dick cringed, “yeah, sorry.”

Raven floated forward. “You wished for a dimensional portal?”

Batman nodded, “yes. I gave you the number earlier?”

Raven dipped her head in acknowledgement before moving to the center of the room. “Back.” she said, and the Team scrambled backwards.

Raven unraveled her legs, but remained floating. She raised her arms before calling out in a strong voice: “Azarath! Metrion! Zinthos!”

There was a flash of light, and suddenly, a portal opened up in the air, a good six feet off the ground. Suddenly, a flailing form dropped out of it. He groaned before rising up.

He was a teenager, it seemed, wearing an almost all black suit. It had a red Bat-symbol in the chest - like Batwoman’s - and a sleek silver utility at the waist. He wore a cowl with tall ears, and white lenses, but it extended down to cover his face,with the exception of his mouth.

He took in his surroundings for a long moment before groaning. He stood up, and turned to the bats. “Seriously, guys? I was on patrol!”

“We have an alien invasion we need help with, kid.” Jason said.

The teen put his hands on his hips. “I’m not on your beck and call!”

“You’re family, kid, that’s basically the same thing.”

The sighed, exasperated and turned to Bruce. “Batman,” he said, his tone conveying both respect and annoyance.

“Batman,” Batman replied, causing some double-takes.

“Really though? You do realise I have my own Gotham to protect.”

“Come on, Terry!” Stephanie cried, draping her arms across his shoulders, “Don’t you want a chance to take down some aliens? It’s cool, trust me! I mean: Aliens! You’ve heard of those in the future, right? Anyway, they’re all so different! And if you get the right species, the fight is so dramatic, and totally worth the weird guts and goo, or them kidnapping you and laying eggs in your stomach, or brainwashing you with weird tech, or somehow giving you that crazy foot fungus which only covers your right foot, but not your toenails, and boy those blisters! When they pop you do not want to be within a couple miles of -”

“That’s quite enough, darling.” Selina said, gently, pulling the purple demon away from ‘Terry’.

The teen had actually seemed convinced at the beginning of Stephanie’s speech, and even a touch excited, but then with the rest of it, he slowly shrank away.

“Quit your trembling, Terrence,” Damian said, yanking this other Batman away from the group. “Aliens are quite ‘shway’ as you insist on calling it, and I solemnly swear on Drake’s soon-to-be-occupied grave -”

“Hey! I thought we were past killing me!”

“-That you will find the experience beneficial.”

Terry considered, looking at the group. “Fine, but let me tell my Wayne where I’ll be.”

Batman nodded to Raven, who sighed heavily and raised her arms over her head. “Azarath! Metrion! Zinthos!”

A small portal opened up right next to Terry, and he quickly stuck his head through, but not before lifting a hand to his ear.

“Hey, the other earth’s you and kids just pulled me to them,” they could hear despite his head being literal worlds away. There was quiet for a moment, before he replied, “something about an Alien Invasion. They wanted to invite me along.” another pause. “Yeah, I can be done by dinner.”

He pulled his head back, worry on his face. “Will this be done by dinner?”

The bats nodded encouragingly, and he went back into the swirling purple light. “Okay, fine. Nope. Yeah. Alright! I promise not to let Jason corrupt me, happy?”

Jason let out an indignant snort, but quickly schooled his features back when Terry came back.

“I’m all clear!”

The bats cheered.

“Think we could have a movie night when this is over?” Harper asked. “I have Back to the Future II!”

Terry groaned. “Why do you always have to make me watch that?”

Dick grinned. “It’s about a boy who goes to the future, and you're a boy from an alternate earth’s future! Figure it out!”

“That’s enough,” Batman said, and the kids fell back. It was clear he was in his ‘giving orders to the League’ voice. “The Klognines will be here soon, so you should all get in position. The fight will be hard, they are cruel beings who will show no mercy.” he surveyed the group surrounding him, all the heroes - young and old - who were ready to risk their lives to save the earth.

Batman looked at all of them, nodded in acknowledgement of their determination. He opened his mouth to speak. “Don’t die, and you’ll be fine.”

There were several snorts. “Thank you, Captain Obvious,” Kate muttered to Bette, who grinned.

Batman glared heavily at the group of giggling adolescents. And fully grown adults. Honestly, he looked so Done™ with the situation, the Team and League were certain that this time they would understand what was best for them, and follow Batman’s orders.

But nope.

They only laughed harder.

“Oh gosh, Bruce!” Tim laughed, “Why do you even bother?”

Harper snorted, “you act like that, then actually believe we won’t laugh? Pathetic.”

“Batsy, you really are a barrel full of laughs, and I’d know!” Harley cried, clinging onto a smirking Ivy.

“What’s the point of glaring at us?” Jason asked, “We’re all immune to it. Even Duke, and he’s the new guy!”

Batman whirled on the Signal, looking a touch betrayed.

“Sorry, Bruce, but it’s true. I’ve seen you high on painkillers wearing My Little Pony pajamas, cracking dad jokes. No way you’re scary after that.” 

No one bothered to question that statement, having finally learned that no answer was the best answer.

Batman grunted, starting to turn away.

“Don’t worry, Sir,” Jean-Paul said to Bruce, “I find your glare marvelously scary.”

“Jean-Paul, you’re smiling.”

“So?”

Batman sighed and whirled away, stalking out of the room.

“Get to your places.”

*****

“So,” M’gann asked over the mind-link to Conner, “Still think we’re doomed?”

Conner grunted, and glanced over to the array of bats, freshly armed - they’d had an industrial sized crate filled of gadgets, which they somehow fit on their persons. It was freaky - and ready to fight.

“No,” he answered after a long moment, “I think Batman has an adopting problem though.”

**Author's Note:**

> *extensive notes to be added at a later date*
> 
> For now: the song played at Bette's entrance is Everybody Loves Me, by Onerepublic. I love it so much!
> 
> I hope you liked it, folks! Next up, we'll be doing something different. I've had a lot of fun, but now I'll be trying my hand at the Comics Batfam getting yeeted into a Season Three YJ world!


End file.
